Kiss, Lick and Suck

To those who are still naive, this best illustrates an organization's 'chain-of-command'. If this is the case, I am fortunate enough having my own barbershop, thus on a higher ground on this 'food-chain', I only need to 'kiss' the hands of my customers.

While there are below me licking my boots and sucking my ass.

How about you? Where do you belong?

Offspring

Philippine President Arroyo (Gloria) with ex-President Estrada (Erap):
Erap: Madam President, how did you managed to maintain your seat in this Government despite the tremendous political crisis you encountered the past several years.

Gloria: That is quite simple Mr. ex-President, I make it sure that only the best people are around me.

Erap: I did that before, of course I would also want to have the best minds around me. However, how would you know if a particular person is intelligent?

Gloria: Very simple, I ask them direct question (got her mobile phone and dialed a number, thereafter placed the conversation on speaker-phone). Ah hello ‘Kabayan’ (Vice President Noli de Castro), I have a question… Your mother has an offspring, your father has an offspring, though this offspring is not your sibling. Who is this person?

Noli: It is a very simple question Madam President, the person you are referring is obviously me.

Gloria: Thank you very much ‘Kabayan’ (hangs the phone), see Mr. ex-President I only choose the best.

Erap: You are definitely brilliant, I will employ the same technique within my group.

After a week.
Erap: Son (Senator Jinggoy Estrada), I have a very important question. Your mother has an offspring, your father has an offspring, though this offspring is not your sibling. Who is this person?

Jingoy: Dad?! Will you allow me to investigate?

After a day.
Jingoy: Mommy (Senator Loi Estrada), Daddy asked me a question… Do you know who this person is?

Loi: Sorry Jingoy, your father has not told me about this yet. Please call Congressman Allan Cayetano and let us have an emergency meeting.

After an hour.
Allan: With all due respect sir and madam, we are clueless.

Meantime, former Senator Loren Legarda arrived.
Allan: Senator Legarda, perhaps you know the answer on this question. Your mother has an offspring, your father has an offspring, though this offspring is not your sibling. Who is this person?

Loren: Oh that is very easy.

Everyone in the room with mouth open.
Loren: It is me and no one else.

Everyone in the room took a deep breath and had a sigh of relief.
Jingoy: Thank you very much, Senator Legarda.

With answer on his mind, Senator Jingoy Estrada rushed to see ex-President Estrada.
Jingoy: Daddy, you will be proud of me, I know now the answer. The person you are referring to is Senator Legarda and no one else.

Erap (fuming mad): You bunch of stupid fools, this is the reason I got booted out of the Malacanang Palace. The person I am referring is not Loren. The correct answer is obviously Kabayan Noli de Castro.

Plunder Blunder

Erap found an old lamp within the premises at his detention camp in Tanay Rizal. He decided to bring it along with him in Manila while attending his trial for plunder - wishing it is for good luck.

Trial will start at 3:00 PM, he arrived at 2:30 PM.

Erap: Atty. Mendoza, Atty. Saguisag, come quick... I found an old lamp in Tanay... let us all rub it for goodluck.

The two lawyers curiously went to Erap to rub the old lamp. Suddenly... *puff* A Genie appeared.

Genie: Three wishes... hmm, wait you are three so one wish each.

Mendoza: (Very excited) Meee firsht, mhe firsht *hik*... I whant toh rhetire onh a prihvate island *hik* and an endlesh shupply of bheer.

*puff* Mendoza disappeared.

Saguisag: Me next... I also want to retire, on a big big ranch farm to raise female cows and female horses. And I want to ride them all. Yum yum.

*puff* Saguisag disappeared.

Erap: (Uncomfortably looking at his wristwatch - it is almost three) Genie!!! I want those two imbeciles return here immediately! And never ever let them leave me again, I need both of them badly for my defense.

*puff* the two lawyers re-appeared.

Big Four

There are four buddies in high school, but were separated when they pursued their university studies. One (Juan) got scholarship at the University of the Philippines, another (Athena) went to Ateneo de Manila University, the third (Cheng) after failing both in UP and AdMU went to De La Salle University, and the fourth of the buddies (Tomas) just decided to study at the University of Santo Tomas.

One rainy Monday morning Juan, Athena and Cheng got excited to see each other riding an FX (a public utility vehicle). Cheng breaks the ice.

Cheng: Well... I am riding this FX, not because I want to but because our family car that I am using was borrowed by my younger sister. How about you Juan, long time no see.

Juan: Ah... I am used to ride public transport, as a matter of fact I usually commute on the jeepney and bus, it is raining today so I decided to have this FX instead. By the way Athena, nice to see you with us here.

Athena: Hmm... my BMW is color-coded today (banned), while our family car is at the workshop for maintenance. I wish Tomas is with us at this time, I miss him. So Cheng where are your working now?

Cheng: I got employed at my mommy's company, though the salary is not that great but it is the work experience that matters. How about you?

Athena: I established my own company, still struggling but getting better. And you Juan?

Juan: Being a scholar, I need to repay the Philippine Government by working for them at least for 4 years. So I am currently working on a Government institution. I wonder where is Tomas now.

Suddenly a voice from the driver's seat.

Driver: Ladies and gentleman, we are approaching our destination please do not forget to pay your fare.

Juan, Cheng, and Athena (in chorus): Tomas!!!

Money!

How I wish I have lots of money, that I own the dollars our President is holding. I will buy a hummer, a yatch, vacation house by the beach in Palawan, I will hire the services of Dra. Vicky Bello for a facial service and liposuction perhaps.

Most definitely if the money is mine, the smile in my lips can reach up to my ears both side.

27th US President

Picture of Governor-General William Howard Taft (who later became the 27th President of the United States of America 1909-1913), riding a water buffalo (Philippine carabao) most probably just having a photo souvenir (I dont think the carabao can accommodate his weight for half hour nor move having him at its back a couple of blocks).

Jasmine's Glory

Too bad that my blog entries are being posted with newest on top, it should have created a drama if the picture of smiling President Arroyo is posted below my blog on ex-President Estrada. Anyhow, see how cute both Jasmine and GMA are.

A sweet jasmine scent and a stinky blue monster (of course I am referring to the inset this time).

Estrada (Off-camera) On-Camera

This is one of my all-time favorite photo-capture of a political figure - mugshot of a duly elected Philippine President.

Classic. Hey my fellow Filipino politicians, look at the picture whisphering: "This could happen to you!", "You are next!", "Don't mess with the taxpayer's money!".

Or perhaps, just let (and advice) your 'senators' to alllow open the 'envelope' and don't ever 'flee and cross the Pasig river'.